Journalism Note: On Death and Dying


My dearest friend died at 20:10 last night after a brief and unexpected illness. I received the text shortly after the monitor showed a flat-line. I have been supportive of her husband throughout this time of grieving for what was, and is, and is to come.  She entered the domain of God three weeks ago.  Last night, God's vehicle - which we call Death - took her into His presence.

We die, so that we can be with Him. It is as simple as that.  

There is no anger attached to my friend's passing, only sadness.  Who convinced us that Dr. Kubler-Ross was the eternal expert regarding death and dying? I actually consider her five stages of "death and dying" as a narrowed avenue for friends and colleagues to compartmentalize, and not truly seek to understand an individual's journey through grief.

"Oh,  he is in the anger stage!  Just leave him alone."

"Can you believe how hard it is for her to accept the baby's death?  This is classic denial."

My model for assisting those with their journey through grief because of the loss of the beating heart of one who was loved?  It is the Home Invasion model.

When you lose someone, it is like a home invasion.  Something has been taken from you by (the) force of (God's) will.  This thief took your mother's antique wedding dress... your coveted NFL football ring... the beloved family pet.  You can search and search, but it will never be returned to you.  You check the closet. It is no longer there.  You peek into the dresser drawer.  It is gone.  You see someone playing with their puppy.  But it is not your puppy.

Treat the grief of others like a home invasion.  How will you bring comfort?  And please do not reduce it to what a friend texted me:  "Wellness is a state. Death is a process."  Let's not be clinical in the presence of grief.  Comfort those who mourn.  Do not judge their passage through emotions which have never been experienced.  But most of all, extend the practical aspects of love which bring a bit of warmth for the one who has suffered a home invasion.  

I would like to write about Greenland.  But today is a time to mourn.

Tammy

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