Executive Order:  Department of War


The EO for the new Department of War reads like the White House pulled some of the old wooden side armor off a WW II  tank.  And then the tread got blown right off the Sherman tank with Section 1. 

It reads like it was written for a Baptist men's Bible study.  It is just clunky and lacks eloquence.  Who wrote this?

The name “Department of War,” more than the current “Department of Defense,” ensures peace through strength, as it demonstrates our ability and willingness to fight and win wars on behalf of our Nation at a moment’s notice, not just to defend. 

This has greater readability.  At least, this is my humble opinion.

More than the current "Department of Defense",  the name "Department of War" ensures peace through strength...."

I might need to dust off a copy of "Strunk & White" -  but the first paragraph is too soft for the theme. And the flow is too much that of a small stream of thought as opposed to mighty river.  Nothing about it, swept me off my feet.  I am a bit disappointed.   As I am prone to say,  "Written by a fifth-grader".  sigh

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style


swoffordwrites@gmail.com



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